Blabbermouse
  • BLOG
  • READING
  • ARCHIVE 2005-2014
Follow me!

upstairs downstairs

1/20/2010

0 Comments

 
We moved the boys’ upstairs this weekend. They’ve shared a small first-floor bedroom down the hall from us for the past three and a half years, and now they're sharing a large upstairs bedroom. The move means they no longer have to be in space-saving bunk beds, which equates to 75% fewer head injuries (theirs) and heart attacks (Larry’s. See also: Mine). And, in addition to moving their beds (a neck spraining, back seizing, marriage building ordeal if ever there was one), we moved every single toy, game, car, puzzle, book and musical instrument they own, so there is absolutely nothing of interest to a young person on the entire first floor of our house.

It’s fabulous.

We never see them anymore. They never call. They never write. 

They just stomp.

OH GOD WITH THE STOMPING! 

And the THUDS! The glass rattling THUDS! Why can they not step gingerly out of bed? They hardly weigh anything. Well, Patrick does. But Gus? So spry! WHY? Why do they have to launch themselves UP into the air and DOWN onto the floor, permanently rearranging the molecular structure of our home—all in the name of “we’re justplaying, GOSH MOMMY.” 

So, the relocation will require some adjustments in my medication. Namely, I will have to start taking some. Do you know which one’s the drug that makes you not scream in horror every time your child hops out of bed to get a book? 

Thudnil? Side effects may include headaches, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, diarrhea, heart palpitations, sweaty palms, dirty toenails, gout, gonorrhea, excessive gas, bloating, chocolate cravings, gender confusion and delusions of being Elvis. Reported side effects have been mild to moderate to severe requiring long-term hospitalization. Ask your physician or healthcare practitioner whether Thudnil is right for you.  

“Since I’ve started taking Thudnil, I no longer cringe when the ceiling shakes and paint chips sprinkle down into my lunch. Pass the peanut butter and banana sandwiches.” 
 
On top of the thuds, there’s one other issue that the move has exacerbated. GUS. The child is five and a half years old, and he’s STILL not sleeping through the night. He used to come in to our room once a night, but since he’s been upstairs, it’s been two or three times a night, saying he’s thirsty, or lonely, or scared. Of the monsters. Of having another nightmare. Of being by himself. And he’s not even byhimself, because Patrick IS RIGHT THERE SLEEPING LIKE A PASTRY. 

“He’s just a little kid,” Gus says. “Of course he sleeps.”

I see. Patrick has yet to experience the eternal darkness of the soul that plagues you world-weary kindergartners.

I know I should be more sympathetic. I should figure out why he can’t sleep. I should strive to understand what is on his mind and comforthim. But it’s hard with the voices in my head screaming HE’S BACK! THAT SELFISH LITTLE BASTARD IS BACK! YOU WILL NEVER SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE! 

So I’m tired. And when I’m tired, I’m mean. And when I’m mean, I shush and bark threats. And when I shush and bark threats, I stress my kid out, and when he’s stressed out, he can’t sleep and neither can I.

Which brings me here. To my new downstairs office, at 4:30 in the morning, in the room where the boys’ bedroom used to be.  
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    yours. truly.

    Amanda O'Brien is the author and sole proprietress of Blabbermouse, a blog she launched in February of 2005.

    archives

    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011
    December 2010
    November 2010
    October 2010
    September 2010
    August 2010
    July 2010
    June 2010
    May 2010
    April 2010
    March 2010
    February 2010
    January 2010
    December 2009
    November 2009
    October 2009
    September 2009
    August 2009
    July 2009
    June 2009
    May 2009
    April 2009
    March 2009
    February 2009
    January 2009
    December 2008
    November 2008
    October 2008
    September 2008
    August 2008
    July 2008
    June 2008
    May 2008
    April 2008
    March 2008
    February 2008
    January 2008
    December 2007
    November 2007
    October 2007
    September 2007
    August 2007
    June 2007
    April 2007
    March 2007
    January 2007
    December 2006
    November 2006
    October 2006
    September 2006
    August 2006
    July 2006
    June 2006
    May 2006
    April 2006
    March 2006
    February 2006
    January 2006
    December 2005
    November 2005
    October 2005
    September 2005
    August 2005
    July 2005
    June 2005
    May 2005
    April 2005
    March 2005
    February 2005

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.