things that amuse me

1. The aborted haircut I gave Gus last night. First I did half his head (chopping off an entire sideburn WELL above the ear--oops), and then the protest started. First he was just whining and flipping his head from side to side to avoid me. Then he got out a megaphone and called in a fleet of disgruntled toddler volunteers, who chained themselves to my toilet and shrieked 'hell no we won't go,' and I just said screw it! Go to school with your half-head haircut! We'll see who has the last laugh.

2. Gus's love affair with the assorted deli meats. His Mimi and Pop Pop have been married 40 years! Forty years! But what we failed to mention was that the celebration of such a milestone includes a tray of assorted deli meats! He knew there were such things as turkey and ham. And, of course cheese. But to discover multiple varieties of turkey and ham and prosciutto and CHEESE displayed so delectably on ONE TRAY, on a very low table, within easy reach of his toddler fists, with no refrigerator door or sober adults restricting his access in any way ... well that was just too much. There was much joy and shouting and handling of said meats and cheeses. Much showing to Mommy the tasty meats and cheeses. Much eating (and less chewing) of the meats and cheeses. Hail the assorted meats and cheeses.

Things That Do Not Amuse Me

1. The fact that I can no longer post my blog at home due to the fact that my operating system is old and my browser is new and my husband gives me the finger in lieu of cash when I ask for a new computer.

Things That Amuse Me

1. Saying that my husband gives me the finger when I ask for money. This is, of course, total bullshit. But it's funnier than saying "I don't feel it's a financial priority to purchase new technology at this time."