Here’s a thought I’d like you to ponder today. A riddle, if you will. Nashville experienced yet another snow storm yesterday. It came on fast—starting around 3:00 in the afternoon--and by 4:00 the roads were chaos. I was downtown by the courthouse, and it took me over an hour to drive the three miles back to our house. Cars—many of them SUVs—were sliding all over the roads, unable to get up hills, tires spinning in vain.
When I returned home, I saw the customary onslaught of Facebook posts referencing the many morons who can’t drive in the snow.
It’s not the snow you have to fear, it’s the OTHER DRIVERS.
I’m trapped in the city and can't get home because of all these IDIOT DRIVERS.
There’s like an inch of snow on the ground, and everyone’s driving around like it’s the end of the world! IDIOTS!
How stupid do you have to be to get on the roads in a snowstorm with all those Tennessee drivers?
Everyone’s an idiot. Everyone’s a moron. Everyone makes dumb decisions ever minute of the day. Except for you, of course. You’re perfect. You’re brilliant. You smell good. You have four-wheel drive. You are from the Northeast. You know how to drive in the snow. Or you have relatives who do. Unlike all these STUPID, MORONIC TENNESSEE DRIVERS.
In defense of Tennessee drivers, may I just mention that THEY ARE FROM TENNESSEE? It doesn’t usually snow here. So forgive the parents of the Tennessee drivers for not shipping their teenagers to Bangor, Maine, each winter to practice driving on ice JUST IN CASE. Forgive the Tennessee drivers for not having four-wheel drive or a secret snow plough in their basements JUST IN CASE. Forgive them for not EXCELLING at driving in conditions to which they are totally unaccustomed.
And let’s say someone did want to EXCEL at driving in the snow and ice. How would that person go about practicing without breaking your idiot laws? Would they get up in the middle of the night when you are sleeping and do hill repeats? Would that make you happy? Would they practice speeding up and pumping the breaks and fishtailing until they could lose control of their vehicle with some level ofproficiency? Or! I know! Maybe they should just stay off the roads.
Yes! That’s it, you say. If they aren’t as awesome as you, they should just stay off the roads! Even an idiot could figure that out.
Why don’t these morons just stay put?
I don’t know. Maybe it's because they have JOBS. And pesky families that need to eat. And maybe (just maybe!) they are finished with their jobs for the day and want to go home. (Of course, you know that only nimble Mensa members such as yourself should get to enjoy the privilege of going home at the end of a snowy day.) But let’s just remember that they aren’t smart enough to know how dumb and bad at driving they really are. Let’s just say it’s snowing and these morons assume that they have the same rights as extraordinary persons such as yourself, and they want to get home and make dinner, or pick up their kids, or let their dogs out, or have a glass of wine, and they are unwilling to let their stupidity stand in their way.
Then what?
How should they do it?
Assuming you are smart and everyone else is stupid, how do the stupid people get home in the snow without inconveniencing you?
When I returned home, I saw the customary onslaught of Facebook posts referencing the many morons who can’t drive in the snow.
It’s not the snow you have to fear, it’s the OTHER DRIVERS.
I’m trapped in the city and can't get home because of all these IDIOT DRIVERS.
There’s like an inch of snow on the ground, and everyone’s driving around like it’s the end of the world! IDIOTS!
How stupid do you have to be to get on the roads in a snowstorm with all those Tennessee drivers?
Everyone’s an idiot. Everyone’s a moron. Everyone makes dumb decisions ever minute of the day. Except for you, of course. You’re perfect. You’re brilliant. You smell good. You have four-wheel drive. You are from the Northeast. You know how to drive in the snow. Or you have relatives who do. Unlike all these STUPID, MORONIC TENNESSEE DRIVERS.
In defense of Tennessee drivers, may I just mention that THEY ARE FROM TENNESSEE? It doesn’t usually snow here. So forgive the parents of the Tennessee drivers for not shipping their teenagers to Bangor, Maine, each winter to practice driving on ice JUST IN CASE. Forgive the Tennessee drivers for not having four-wheel drive or a secret snow plough in their basements JUST IN CASE. Forgive them for not EXCELLING at driving in conditions to which they are totally unaccustomed.
And let’s say someone did want to EXCEL at driving in the snow and ice. How would that person go about practicing without breaking your idiot laws? Would they get up in the middle of the night when you are sleeping and do hill repeats? Would that make you happy? Would they practice speeding up and pumping the breaks and fishtailing until they could lose control of their vehicle with some level ofproficiency? Or! I know! Maybe they should just stay off the roads.
Yes! That’s it, you say. If they aren’t as awesome as you, they should just stay off the roads! Even an idiot could figure that out.
Why don’t these morons just stay put?
I don’t know. Maybe it's because they have JOBS. And pesky families that need to eat. And maybe (just maybe!) they are finished with their jobs for the day and want to go home. (Of course, you know that only nimble Mensa members such as yourself should get to enjoy the privilege of going home at the end of a snowy day.) But let’s just remember that they aren’t smart enough to know how dumb and bad at driving they really are. Let’s just say it’s snowing and these morons assume that they have the same rights as extraordinary persons such as yourself, and they want to get home and make dinner, or pick up their kids, or let their dogs out, or have a glass of wine, and they are unwilling to let their stupidity stand in their way.
Then what?
How should they do it?
Assuming you are smart and everyone else is stupid, how do the stupid people get home in the snow without inconveniencing you?
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