It was a viru$ all right. In fact my computer was riddled with viru$es. And to make matters worse, little icons of a $exual nature began popping up all over my desktop. ILLUSTRATED icons. With naked cartoon ladies poll dancing, if you must know. And instead of being embarrassed about it, I marched my laptop into work to show anyone who wanted to take a stab at fixing it. Naturally our computer programmer blamed Larry for the malware until I explained that Larry has his OWN laptop with which to enjoy naked cartoon poll dancers if he so wishes. So then he blamed me.
And I was all “think what you want about me, as long as you can get this girl’s cartoon rack out of my face.”
“All I’m saying is you don’t just catch a virus out of nowhere,” he said.
“So you’re saying my laptop has been whoring around?"
(He smirks.)
"No way, man! TriXXXi is SO not like that.”
Anyway, he performed a bunch of magic over my laptop and installed a bunch of herbs and spells and whatnot and it seems to be running beautifully. (FREE! Guinness for you, sir! Is it rude to buy a Scottish computer programmer Guinness? Am I stereotyping?) The little message (which WAS a virus masquerading as virus protection I AM SO SMART) has ceased to pop up in the corner of my eye like a goddamn sty every fifteen seconds, so that makes my morning writing routine significantly more pleasant.
Also, I learned that if you use Comcast Internet service, you get all of the Norton anti-virus protection tools FREE! (When you've written for direct mail as long as I have, you can not write the word FREE! without it being in all caps. It’s physically impossible. Even if you’re writing a history paper. And it’s about slaves. Who are now FREE!) I did not know this about the FREE! software. (Also did not know my other anti-virus software had expired). So I’m passing that along for your convenience. All zero of you who use Comcast for Internet service.
The Dog
Sean reads my blog. Clearly. Because as soon as I wrote about him keeping us up all night with his crazy antics, he started sleeping through the night. A reader pointed this out to me, saying it’s a common phenomenon. Her neighbor’s dogs actually follow her on Twitter. And when she tweets about how annoying they are, they stop barking and settle down. We’ve also added a vigorous pre-bedtime walk to Sean’s routine, which might have something to do with his improved sleep (maybe a little), but I think it was more the shame of being outed in a public forum.
The Vegetarianism
Is fine, thank you. I am enjoying not gnawing on farm animals very much. But I’m not really a vegetarian. I still enjoy fish, and I won’t shy away from a soup made from chicken broth. And I may go HOG wild and eat a ham sand--no. Probably not. Blech. The less meat I eat, the less I want to eat. But it’s not about "BEING A VEGETARIAN". It’s about eating the foods that work for me. And eliminating the ones that don’t. (See also: SUGAR.) Though that's a conversation we haven't had yet. I'm sloooowly drawing you into my world of CRAZY FOOD ELIMINATIONS.
The Weekend
We weren’t talking about the weekend? Well we are now! With Larry home with the boys all summer, I cherish the weekends more than ever. It’s my chance to get in on the action and enjoy all the things that make summer SUH AWESUM. The swimming and sun and gardens and deck parties … I love this time of year. In a giddy nutty way that suggests I might be manic depressive.
What are your plans for the weekend? (That is not a question to bait you into leaving comments. I was just thinking about inviting myself over. If you don't have anything going on.)
And I was all “think what you want about me, as long as you can get this girl’s cartoon rack out of my face.”
“All I’m saying is you don’t just catch a virus out of nowhere,” he said.
“So you’re saying my laptop has been whoring around?"
(He smirks.)
"No way, man! TriXXXi is SO not like that.”
Anyway, he performed a bunch of magic over my laptop and installed a bunch of herbs and spells and whatnot and it seems to be running beautifully. (FREE! Guinness for you, sir! Is it rude to buy a Scottish computer programmer Guinness? Am I stereotyping?) The little message (which WAS a virus masquerading as virus protection I AM SO SMART) has ceased to pop up in the corner of my eye like a goddamn sty every fifteen seconds, so that makes my morning writing routine significantly more pleasant.
Also, I learned that if you use Comcast Internet service, you get all of the Norton anti-virus protection tools FREE! (When you've written for direct mail as long as I have, you can not write the word FREE! without it being in all caps. It’s physically impossible. Even if you’re writing a history paper. And it’s about slaves. Who are now FREE!) I did not know this about the FREE! software. (Also did not know my other anti-virus software had expired). So I’m passing that along for your convenience. All zero of you who use Comcast for Internet service.
The Dog
Sean reads my blog. Clearly. Because as soon as I wrote about him keeping us up all night with his crazy antics, he started sleeping through the night. A reader pointed this out to me, saying it’s a common phenomenon. Her neighbor’s dogs actually follow her on Twitter. And when she tweets about how annoying they are, they stop barking and settle down. We’ve also added a vigorous pre-bedtime walk to Sean’s routine, which might have something to do with his improved sleep (maybe a little), but I think it was more the shame of being outed in a public forum.
The Vegetarianism
Is fine, thank you. I am enjoying not gnawing on farm animals very much. But I’m not really a vegetarian. I still enjoy fish, and I won’t shy away from a soup made from chicken broth. And I may go HOG wild and eat a ham sand--no. Probably not. Blech. The less meat I eat, the less I want to eat. But it’s not about "BEING A VEGETARIAN". It’s about eating the foods that work for me. And eliminating the ones that don’t. (See also: SUGAR.) Though that's a conversation we haven't had yet. I'm sloooowly drawing you into my world of CRAZY FOOD ELIMINATIONS.
The Weekend
We weren’t talking about the weekend? Well we are now! With Larry home with the boys all summer, I cherish the weekends more than ever. It’s my chance to get in on the action and enjoy all the things that make summer SUH AWESUM. The swimming and sun and gardens and deck parties … I love this time of year. In a giddy nutty way that suggests I might be manic depressive.
What are your plans for the weekend? (That is not a question to bait you into leaving comments. I was just thinking about inviting myself over. If you don't have anything going on.)
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