Which goes like this:
Setting: Dinner at a nice little Italian restaurant. I notice that Gus’s nails are a little long and foolishly mention that I’ll need to trim them before we head to the beach.
Larry: I always clip my toenails outside on the patio …
Amanda: (Setting the fried calamari back on my plate) That's nice.
Larry: You know if you do it inside, they fly all over the living room and land in the rug where you can’t find them.
Amanda: Sweet Jesus.
Larry: (Chuckling merrily) The other day I was out there trimming away, and this team of ants came by and started carrying off the clippings!
Amanda: (Plugging my ears) Say no more.
Larry: (Really enjoying himself) They were hauling them off on their backs!
Amanda: I think I'm going to throw up.
Larry: That's good stuff to them!
Amanda: (Evil seething)
My Dear Husband: Dad. Stop. She's going to throw up.
Claire: The ants weren't going to eat the toenails! They were using them to build a nest!
I thought they were going to EAT them.
They were just using them to build a place of rest?
A wee toenail nest?
A cozy toenail haven?
Perhaps with a soft fungus duvet, even?
Well, in that case, people, pass the squid!