Hard up for New Year's resolutions? Allow me to make a few suggestions. Follow these and you will dramatically increase your odds of not sucking in 2010.
So. New Year's eve. The lamest holiday of the year. The noise, the chaos, the cops on the prowl. The cheap champagne. The pressure to stay up until midnight.The forced attempts to make the nightMEMORABLE and MEANINGFUL and AUSPICIOUS. The tired promises that this year will be the year you're going to lose weight/get in shape/eat more vegetables/drink more water/be nicer to the kids. The cramming of your Cheeto hole with shitty food and too much beer because this is your last chance to eat the foods you love before your miraculous transformation into THE AWESOME AND INCREDIBLE NEW YOU.
It's gross.
Don't get me wrong. I'm all about striving to do better, turning over a new leaf, changing what's not working, making amends, eating right, getting fit, and fixing your horrid personality once and for all. I adorechange. But A NEW YEAR is not a reason to change. Nor is it a solution to your problems. Things aren't going to get better tomorrow because the calendar says 2010. (Hold on. I'll put my underwear back on in a minute. I'm not quite finished peeing on your parade yet. Pssssss.) Yes. Terrible things happened in 2009, but 2009 was not a terrible year. To say it was--and to kick it to the curb with a vengeful thwack--says we're abandoning our gratitude. And without gratitude, we're not hopeful. And without hope? Good luck with those new year's resolutions.
I have so much to be thankful for.
My family--the immediate, the distant, and the recently transplanted to East Nashville. You are wonderful. You are kind. You are generous of spirit. You don't bicker. You're not petty. You're not insane and dysfunctional. You will never get on the Jerry Springer show. I love you all.
My friends--so many new friends in 2009. So many cool and interesting and wonderful people embracing our family. Supporting us. Liking us. Laughing at my jokes. You have changed my life.
My job. I mean the job itself isn't ... you know ... but YAY! I HAVE A JOB! And that's awesome.
My column. My challenge. My saving grace that keeps me from feeling like a total underachiever.
You. Yes, YOU. I love this blog, but I don't think I'd write it if you didn't read it. Actually, knowing me, I probably would. I'm a glutten for punishment. Which makes me even MORE grateful for you. Thank you for coming. And thank you (in presumtuous wood-knocking advance) for coming back.
Happy New Year, everyone.
Bottoms up.
So. New Year's eve. The lamest holiday of the year. The noise, the chaos, the cops on the prowl. The cheap champagne. The pressure to stay up until midnight.The forced attempts to make the nightMEMORABLE and MEANINGFUL and AUSPICIOUS. The tired promises that this year will be the year you're going to lose weight/get in shape/eat more vegetables/drink more water/be nicer to the kids. The cramming of your Cheeto hole with shitty food and too much beer because this is your last chance to eat the foods you love before your miraculous transformation into THE AWESOME AND INCREDIBLE NEW YOU.
It's gross.
Don't get me wrong. I'm all about striving to do better, turning over a new leaf, changing what's not working, making amends, eating right, getting fit, and fixing your horrid personality once and for all. I adorechange. But A NEW YEAR is not a reason to change. Nor is it a solution to your problems. Things aren't going to get better tomorrow because the calendar says 2010. (Hold on. I'll put my underwear back on in a minute. I'm not quite finished peeing on your parade yet. Pssssss.) Yes. Terrible things happened in 2009, but 2009 was not a terrible year. To say it was--and to kick it to the curb with a vengeful thwack--says we're abandoning our gratitude. And without gratitude, we're not hopeful. And without hope? Good luck with those new year's resolutions.
I have so much to be thankful for.
My family--the immediate, the distant, and the recently transplanted to East Nashville. You are wonderful. You are kind. You are generous of spirit. You don't bicker. You're not petty. You're not insane and dysfunctional. You will never get on the Jerry Springer show. I love you all.
My friends--so many new friends in 2009. So many cool and interesting and wonderful people embracing our family. Supporting us. Liking us. Laughing at my jokes. You have changed my life.
My job. I mean the job itself isn't ... you know ... but YAY! I HAVE A JOB! And that's awesome.
My column. My challenge. My saving grace that keeps me from feeling like a total underachiever.
You. Yes, YOU. I love this blog, but I don't think I'd write it if you didn't read it. Actually, knowing me, I probably would. I'm a glutten for punishment. Which makes me even MORE grateful for you. Thank you for coming. And thank you (in presumtuous wood-knocking advance) for coming back.
Happy New Year, everyone.
Bottoms up.
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