In other news, is Lindsay Lohan really a lesbian or is she just bored? Does anyone have a clean read on this? I’ve gotten fragments of Lindsay-likes-girls-this and Samantha-is-her-lover-that, and pictures of them holding hands, but those reports have been so grossly outnumbered by the ones declaring how orange Lindsay’s skin is or is not on any given day that I’m not sure if I’m supposed to take the gay gab seriously. Anyone? (Because I'm confident that having a clearer understanding of this will help shape my overall sense of where our country is headed right now).
And speaking of where our country is headed … did you watch the Democratic Convention last night? How cute is Joe Biden’s mom? Feisty little lady. “Bloody their noses, Joey!”
You know, Obama picking Joe Biden … no. I’m not going there. Never mind.
But Melissa Etheridge I will discuss. I told Larry it’s a testament to my complete lack of mental health that I was misting up during her patriotic rock medley. I was all, “BORN IN THE USA! (sniff sniff).”
“What the hell is wrong with me?” I said. “I’m a walking mental health advisory.” At which point, he hit the playback button on the answering machine, and I heard my mother-in-law’s voice, “ARE YOU WATCHING??? (Sniff, sniff) I’VE BEEN SOBBING THROUGH THE WHOLE CONVENTION!”
So I called her back.
“You can’t blog this,” she said.
“But I have to,” I told her. “It’s the American way.”