Not for one hour.
Not for three hours.
You must sleep all night long.
1. My IQ has dropped 40 points this week, Gus. And, not to scare you, but I wasn't that smart to begin with. I need those points so I can continue to drive my car. And put on pants.
2. My memory is shot.
2. I wandered the parking lot at lunch today weeping because someone obviously moved my car without telling me. And that's not nice.
2. I asked a nice lady at Kinkos how old her baby was when he was born. And when that nice lady laughed and said, "I know what you meant to say," I just stared at her, waiting for her to tell me what I meant because I didn't have a clue. I still don't. What did I mean?
5. And Joan, poor Joan, the dressing room nazi at TJ Maxx. I can not stop thinking hateful thoughts about her. About how I want to punch her in the face when she counts my items one ... by .... one, rather than just taking my word for it when I hold up the six hangers and say "I have six irregular bargain items I'd like to try on please!" And she knows perfectly well none of it's going to fit, so why would I try to steal from her? But you see, Gus, I shouldn't think ugly thoughts about Joan because she is doing her job properly. She is excelling in her place of work. Unlike me, your mother, who
6. STILL can't figure out how this !@#*&a%$!# new hands-free headset is meant to hook to my ear! I don't get it. It just dangles off the side of my head. But I can't ask the technology guy to show me again, because he's busy. He's busy downstairs watching me on his Techie Spycam and laughing about what a moronic ass I am for not being able to use a hands-free headset without holding it up to my ear WITH MY HANDS.
7. Did I mention that I get very paranoid when I am tired like this?
8. Why is everyone staring at me? Do I have a toilet paper tail? WHAT?
9. Just, please, Gus. Seelp.
10. I mean ... Sleep.