And then I turned nine. And I stopped doing that.
And People of Starbucks, you should, too!
Why I'm at Starbucks:
1) to read quietly to myself,
2) to enjoy an overpriced coffee beverage, and
3) maybe a slice of cake
I'm not there to eavesdrop on your shrieky, giggly, blonde and bubbly conversations about skincare. Or your first sorta-kinda-but-not-really-a date with that cute (if not slightly ripe-in-the-armpits) guy in the worn-out Birkenstocks. Or the sordid details of your latest legal drama.
Actually, eavesdropping isn't the right word for what I do. It's more like mainlining. You people are so loud that your voices bypass my ear canals entirely and head straight for my veins. Your Avon sales pitch, and your reckless past with unsavory men, and your shocking and totally unwarranted subpoena, are now a permanent part of my DNA. Thanks!
Also annoying: the loud and rapid-fire repetition of drink orders. I know why you do it, but I don't like it. Somehow the orders come out sounding overly complex and decadent when you play them back. It's like someone quietly asked for a box of tampons, and you shrieked, "ONE SINGLE BOX, 40 COUNT, JUMBO, SUPER ABSORBENCY, WITH THE NEW SILKY PEARLTIP CARDBOARD APPLICATOR TO GO!"
It's why I order the house blend. Anything else would be too personal.
Also slightly annoying: the wild-eyed barista boy who likes to share the story behind the coffee. "We're offering free samples of the Buka Buka Blend today! It was dark roasted by Pygmy refugees in a secret underground coffee cave just beyond the mountainous border of Zumbackwahari! Wanna taste?"
I guess I admire his enthusiasm. He's so UP all the time!
But since I'm drinking decaf, I just wish everyone would keep it down.