The reason I could not get out of bed this morning is that there is no coffee. Or rather, there is coffee, but I can’t have any. A nurse is coming to do my life insurance physical at 8am, and The Packet says I can have nothing but water for 8 hours before the exam.
Nothing but water. What good is water?
Water is dead to me.
Water is just liquid with all the coffee taken out. STUPID STUPID WATER.
Let’s hope this nurse is not trying to assess my will to live. If she is, I'll just have to tell her: It’s in the kitchen cabinet, UNDER THE COFFEE.