He's sweet and funny and smart and compassionate, and HE KICKED ME IN THE SHINS AT CHURCH ON SUNDAY. Kicked me in the shins, and slapped me, and WAS TRYING TO BITE MY THIGH when Larry intervened and pulled him off of me.
He had just completed the church Easter egg hunt and was ripping into another plastic egg, when I told him to stop. No more candy until after lunch. After lunch. The meal was not 30 minutes away, and still the child promptly proceeded to lose his mind, proving what I suspected last Halloween: Gus is a Gremlin.
Larry was chatting with an older gentleman from the congregation who happens to be blind, when he saw the scene going down. Apparently the pastor's mother-in-law had been trying to take a nice picture of us when Gus turned on me like a rabid animal.
"It was horrible," Larry said. "The woman kept saying 'oh no! oh no!'" Which is when Larry excused himself, swooped in, and threw Gus over his shoulder kicking and screaming.
Embarrassed that all eyes were now on him, Gus looked straight at the blind man and screamed at the top of his lungs: "STOP LOOKING AT ME!"
And my parents wonder what took us so long to go back to church.