It’s the counter argument in nearly every parenting debate. It’s the parents’ battle cry, when our children are suffering—or inflicting—some hurt or injustice we can’t quite square.
Children need to learn.
Children need to learn that life isn’t fair.
That not everyone is going to like them.
Or invite them to a Jedi birthday.
That some people will make the team.
And some people won’t.
That some people are winners.
And some are losers.
That not everyone can be the smartest,
or the fastest,
or the prettiest,
or the most talented.
Or the best.
Children need to learn.
With regard to school uniforms—I know. Dead horse. Cue Michael Jackson’s “Beat It.”—But. With regard to uniforms, one momversationalist posted, “Equality is great and all, but children need to learn that some folks have more and some folks have less, and one doesn’t make you better than the other.”
Children need to learn.
I’d like to propose a wildly unpopular counter thought here. Maybe children don’t need to learn those lessons. Lord knows the laws of human suffering will seep into their skin and their spirits soon enough.
Children need to learn to read. To write. To communicate well. To perform basic arithmetic. Children need to learn about history, and about how to tie their shoes.
They also need to learn how to be of service to others. How to help. And be good friends. Children need to learn art, and science, and music—because it enriches their understanding of the world, and shows them that life isn’t all about the winners and losers, and the haves and have-nots.
When did we get so eager to turn grammar school into the school of hard knocks?
My boys need to learn that it’s dangerous to play in the street. And yet I don’t routinely run them over with my minivan to make sure they get the message.
There's a better way.
I’m not talking about Trophies for Everyone. Or political correctness. Or difference blindness. But I do think adults have a responsibility to model compassion, and to eliminate obstacles that get in the way of what children are really here to learn.
School uniforms are one way.
Not picking teams is another.
Can we think of a few more, please?