So, the color Black storms into my office yesterday and demands a raise. “You’ve been working me way too hard,” she says. “I can’t take it any more.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“Well, for starters” she told me, “I never get a day off.”
“Not true!” I told her. “Remember I wore that baby blue peasant blouse that one day, while you hung out in the closet?”
“Yes, and you said it made you look like a Laura Ashley sofa. I was back on duty eight minutes later. None of the other colors have to work seven days a week. And the hours are shit. I’m working from the time you wake up in the morning until you go to bed at night. I get no time to myself.”
“Look, if it’s just a vacation you need, I’ll get a temp.”
“It’s more than that. You’re demanding and ungrateful! No matter how hard I work, no matter how much I stretch, no matter how many times I cover up for you …”
“Now wait just a cotton-picking--
“I’d go easy on the cotton-picking references if I were you, honey. Now listen up. When you brought me on board, you put me in charge of slimming.”
“That’s right.”
“Of creating a sleeker line …”
“Yes …”
“Well, I can’t fell the Swiss Alps, if you know what I mean.”
“That’s cold, Black.”
“Yo-de-lai-he-hooo.”
“Now you’re just being mean.”
“Being mean, mean, mean, mean … is there an echo out here?”
“Okay. I get it. You want more respect.”
“I want cash.”
“Fine.”
“And overtime compensation.”
“Okay.”
“And a pregnancy bonus. When you’re pregnant, not me.”
“Fair enough.”
“And maybe you could lay off the dairy.”
“Oh, so you don’t want to be challenged in your work?”
“Touche.”
“You know, Black. I appreciate you bringing this matter to my attention. Periwinkle would have just quit without explanation. And if it had been Pink, you know there would have been all kinds of tears and drama …”
“Well, he’s just sensitive, that’s all.”
“I have a meeting in an hour. I don’t suppose you could--
“Don’t worry, boss. I’ve got you covered.”
“Thank you."
“Mostly covered, anyway.”
“I'm sorry, what was that?”
“Hmm? Oh. Nothing.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“Well, for starters” she told me, “I never get a day off.”
“Not true!” I told her. “Remember I wore that baby blue peasant blouse that one day, while you hung out in the closet?”
“Yes, and you said it made you look like a Laura Ashley sofa. I was back on duty eight minutes later. None of the other colors have to work seven days a week. And the hours are shit. I’m working from the time you wake up in the morning until you go to bed at night. I get no time to myself.”
“Look, if it’s just a vacation you need, I’ll get a temp.”
“It’s more than that. You’re demanding and ungrateful! No matter how hard I work, no matter how much I stretch, no matter how many times I cover up for you …”
“Now wait just a cotton-picking--
“I’d go easy on the cotton-picking references if I were you, honey. Now listen up. When you brought me on board, you put me in charge of slimming.”
“That’s right.”
“Of creating a sleeker line …”
“Yes …”
“Well, I can’t fell the Swiss Alps, if you know what I mean.”
“That’s cold, Black.”
“Yo-de-lai-he-hooo.”
“Now you’re just being mean.”
“Being mean, mean, mean, mean … is there an echo out here?”
“Okay. I get it. You want more respect.”
“I want cash.”
“Fine.”
“And overtime compensation.”
“Okay.”
“And a pregnancy bonus. When you’re pregnant, not me.”
“Fair enough.”
“And maybe you could lay off the dairy.”
“Oh, so you don’t want to be challenged in your work?”
“Touche.”
“You know, Black. I appreciate you bringing this matter to my attention. Periwinkle would have just quit without explanation. And if it had been Pink, you know there would have been all kinds of tears and drama …”
“Well, he’s just sensitive, that’s all.”
“I have a meeting in an hour. I don’t suppose you could--
“Don’t worry, boss. I’ve got you covered.”
“Thank you."
“Mostly covered, anyway.”
“I'm sorry, what was that?”
“Hmm? Oh. Nothing.”
RSS Feed
