There's nothing like a trip to the mall called Opry Mills to remind you just how HORRIBLY WRONG GENETICS CAN GO.
Ugly: 'Tis a theme with many variations.
And entertainment--it means different things to different people.
For example: Some people like to browse in bookstores. And some people like to be locked inside bubbling blue plastic caskets labeled "aqua massage" in the middle of a mall for all to see.
Some people like to sit down and eat a civilized meal in a restaurant that's not attached to a discount luggage store. And some people prefer to amble slowly and aimlessly past discount panty racks while their lips make sweet sweet love to a funnel cake the size of Arizona.
Some teenage boys would wait for me and my small son to be out of earshot before they comment on my "fine, fine piece of ass." And some teenage boys, not so much.
Some people aren't frightened by the Build-A-Bear Workshop. They think a room full of teddy bear limbs and fluffy intestines is a fun and festive location for a child's birthday party. They are the same people who dine on overpriced seafood at a restaurant that is also a giant aquarium. In a mall. And then waddle across the hall to pet the stingrays at the giant smelly indoor Carnival/Stingray Zoo. In a mall.
Some people can be quickly convinced that they ABSOLUTELY CANNOT LIVE ANOTHER DAY without a 200-square-foot body chamois that dries ALMOST INSTANTLY! They'll never tote another wet towel home from the beach again! Never, ever!
Some adolescent girls dream that if they climb inside the You're A STAR!!! Recording Booth in the middle of the food court and belt out a rousing chorus of "Stand By Your Man" they will climb out and maybe, just maybe, be discovered (FINALLY!) by that record exec who has a weakness for soft serve and Tammy Wynette.
And some people think my stories always come with morals. Neat and tidy messages you can take to the bank--or at least to the dollar store. But there's nothing moral or tidy about the modern super mall, people. You know better than that.