Or probably I'm just stupid.
Very probably that is the case.
And now that I'm here, I've managed to convince myself that 99 percent of you don't give a rat's ass about my Kindle and it's many AWESOME (!) features. Nevertheless, it is slim pickings at ye old Blog-Topic General Store this week. We have licorice whips, sardines, brown shoe polish, and AWESOME KINDLE FEATURES.
So Awesome Kindle Features it is.
Awesome Kindle Feature #1: Size. The Kindle is small and light (and VERY sexy). So those unwieldy books of 750+ pages will no longer rip a hole in the lining of my purse or wake up the neighbors when they fall on the bedroom floor because I slipped into a coma while reading them (David Foster Wallace, may you rest in peace).
Awesome Kindle Feature #2: A built-in dictionary. I just put my little cursor next to a word I don't know and up pops the definition. I was expounding upon this feature at length the other day to the father of a girl in Gus's class. What I didn't realize at the time is that this man is a well-known author and professor of English. And there I was, prattling on about how "Da Kindle done tells you what thems words MEAN. Cuz reading iz one thing, but knowing whats thems words is trying to TELL you done make the reading esperience so mutch more gooder." I am so awesome.
Awesome Kindle Feature #3: Books are cheaper on the Kindle. New releases are typically $10, older books are often less, and many of the classics are free or close to it.
Awesome Kindle Feature #4: Free wireless. No contracts. No weirdness. No "syncing-with-your-computer-pain-in-the-assitude". I no longer have that panicky fear of being stuck somewhere with nothing to read. (I believe the medical term for this condition is called "being a nerd.") I just turn my Kindle on and download books, any time, anywhere.
Awesome Kindle Feature #5: It saves your place. You will appreciate this feature once you've had this exchange with your children fifty million times:
"Mom, what's THIS?"
"It's my BOOKMARK, don't--"
Awesome Kindle Feature #6: Search and rescue. You can search your Kindle books for words and phrases. You can bookmark a section, highlight a passage, or type little notes, and the Kindle organizes and saves them for you. And then it prints out a certified Nerd Certificate that you can keep in your wallet to show all your friends.
Awesome Kindle Feature #7: Speed reading. For whatever reason, I read twice as fast on the Kindle. Maybe it's because I can adjust the type size. Maybe it's the no-glare screen. Maybe it's the endorphins that come from BEING IN LOVE WITH A MACHINE. I don't know. But it sure feels good.