Larry, who as you may or may not know, has just been named The Husband Laureate of the United States, offered to sleep upstairs with the boys last night AND tonight so I can get some rest. The main reason for this is that Gus has strep throat and OH MY GOD COVER YOUR MOUTH, DUDE! (Whenever the boys get sick, they like to sleep riiiiiight up next to me, with their hot little faces breathing streptococcal vapors directly into my eyes).
I took young Gus to the doctor yesterday for a strep test, all the while growing more and more convinced that I felt something a little funny and strange happening in my OWN throat. When his test came back positive, just to be on the crazy neurotic safe side, I went upstairs to see my own doctor, who wouldn't so much as listen to my wild-eyed plea for a preventive penicillin shot talk to me, because my strep test came back negative.
The nurse stood in the doorway staring at me.
"Your test is negative."
"Sooooo, you can leave now and come back when there's something actually medically wrong with you. And you know, wash your hands, because your son has strep and it's very contagious."
I imagine my eyes were like the windows of a slot machine rolling around and around and landing on *NO SHIT, LADY!*
I tried to explain my predicament for the third time.
"You see, I am running the marathon on Saturday. So surely there are some preventive measures we can take?"
What she heard---> Crazy lady. Real big crazy eyes (!). Crazy crazy marathon on Saturday. Crazy crazy crazy crazy ooh I just remembered I have a Reese's peanut butter egg in my lunch. Sweet.
Not helpful at all, my doctor's office. No perspective.
So! If you know a healthcare practitioner in Nashville who doesn't list "Running a Marathon" in their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, I would appreciate a referral.
Last night, sensing that I was a little nervy, Larry asked me what I'm most afraid of:
Let's see ... what am I afraid of?
- Getting sick
- Getting injured
- Getting up too late
- Missing the shuttle
- Missing the start
- Feeling off my game
- Leg cramps
- Foot cramps
- STOMACH CRAMPS
- Stopping to use the bathroom and losing time
- Not stopping to use the bathroom and losing DIGNITY
- Bloody, bloody, chafing
- Drinking liquids on the fly ... missing my mouth entirely ...
- Severe dehydration
- Running too slow
- Running too fast
- Hitting the wall
- Not knowing I've hit the wall until I see my 82-year-old grandmother cheering and realize I CAN'T CATCH HER.
- Not being able to find the emotional sledgehammer to bust down that motherf*cking wall and FINISH THE RACE SMILING.
And I'm going to leave them right here.
*Wish me safe travels!*