July is known as a Disney Peak Time. There are other peak times, like New Years Day, Christmas week through New Year’s Day, Memorial Day, Easter, Thanksgiving, basically anytime the kids are out of school and/or people are celebrating. The secret is to visit Disney during the dull, joyless times of year when the rest of the world is hard at work and miserable.
We had no choice but to go at a peak time, because Larry is a teacher, and he can’t just blow off work to pay homage to a giant mouse in knickers like I can. But you, you don’t have to go to Disney World in July.
The first time I visited Disney, it was the week after Labor Day, and we never waited on line. Not once. We rode It’s a Small World on a continuous loop until our ears started bleeding brioche. So my first impression of Disney World was all, “Woah, check out this vast wonderland of rides and shows that exist solely for my personal entertainment. Well played, Walter.”
SURPRISE! This is the Magic Kingdom in July:
It occurred to us as we entered the queue for Dumbo that, having grown up in a small city like Nashville, our boys have never really waited on line before. They were all, “What the? We’re confused. Why are you guys just standing behind all these people?”
Well, you see, boys, when a mommy and a daddy love a cartoon elephant very, very much...
If you’re Larry, option two will be no problem. The man would wait patiently in line for 85 minutes to ride “The Miracle of Seeds” if such a line existed, which it doesn’t, because everyone is too busy watching the interactive 3D Disney comedy “NERDS! MEN WHO LIKE TO RIDE RIDES CALLED 'THE MIRACLE OF SEEDS'.”
If I had not read the Disney guidebook on the plane, I would never have figured out Disney's Fast Pass system. Or, I would have figured it out but assumed it cost extra money. It doesn’t. And all the most popular rides offer Fast Pass. Just insert your park ticket into the fast pass kiosk (located at the entrance of the ride), and it will spit out a fast pass ticket stating a one-hour window during which you may return and go to the head of the line.
The trick is, you can only get one Fast Pass at a time, so you can't go whoring around the park sticking your ticket into every fast pass kiosk you see.
I tried. It doesn't work. You’re welcome.
So, do you have plans to go to Disney World? If so, when are you going to go? (Let's see if you learned anything here.)