Those days are over. Herbal Essences has been reincarnated as a perky periwinkle bottle of hair potion. And I’m buying it.
What am I, eight? The last time I did anything involving potion, I was in second grade, grinding up crab apples, Ivory, and acorns in Mandy Montanaro’s backyard to make “gourmet apple soaps” we could sell to her elderly neighbor, Mr. Ralph.
Now I’m thirty-two and lathering my scalp with a “love potion” for “bad hair breakups,” the magic ingredient of which is a “fusion of coco mango and pearls.”
Pearls of what, I wonder. Teenage wisdom?
When I read the back of the bottle, I want to wash its cheeky little mouth out with …well … soap. “Use me,” it purrs. “Love that lather … Rinse and repeat … Revenge is sweet and sudsy.” The pearls and coco mango make it so.
And while I can’t tell you exactly what a coco mango is; I can tell you that for the first time my head smells exactly how it feels. Like it could use a shot of rum.