You know the ones I'm talking about.
When you ask them where they bought their shoes, scarf, bag, earrings, etc., they purse their lips in a bitchy little smile and say, "New York ... like three years ago."
This of course is a lie, designed to make you feel like a hillbilly fashion victim who will never get you none of them big-city fancies. It's a cruel and evil tactic. And I'm going to start using it before every woman in Nashville has my earrings.
You see, I recently expanded my earring collection to include some very large and, evidently, eye-catching specimens. Since then, complete strangers have been stopping me on a daily basis to ask me where I bought them. And every time someone stops me, my inner people pleaser practically leaps out of her school uniform to offer assistance.
"Really? My earrings? You like them? Really? Does that mean you think I'm sort of cool? And maybe someday I might even be popular? Really Really Really? Here, let me just jot down the directions to the store where I got them ... and here's the phone number in case you get lost ... and here's some pricing information ... better yet, I know! Why don't I just DRIVE you there, and you can pick some out right now! And then maybe we can have lunch together and talk about jewelry!"
It's the saddest thing you've ever seen.
But, come to think of it, they're probably so turned off by my personality that they wouldn't be caught dead wearing the same earrings.
Wah-Hah-Hah-Hah-Hah ... I shall call it Reverse Bitchcology.