As a result of all these spot treatments, our sofa had adopted a sort of tye-dyed, dirty-hippie vibe that was, like, a total bummer, man. I figured the only solution was to poke my eyes out or buy a new couch.
But then! On Friday night, while having dinner with our friends Dan and Gina, someone I just happened to start chatting whining about our filthy couch, when Dan said, "can't you take the covers off the cushions and wash them?"
Time stood still while I considered this. Skittles turning, turning, turning. I tasted rainbow.
Me: I do recall seeing something resembling a zipper on each cushion ... but surely those are just there to ... oh my ... but it won't really work right? I mean the covers will shrink, or warp, or wrinkle, or ... are you serious? You cando that?"
Him: We wash ours all the time and they come out great.
Me: Warm cycle or cold?
Him: Blank stare.
Me: Sorry. You're right. That crossed the line.
But wouldn't you know? Warm cycle did the trick! No shrinkage whatsoever! And no wrinkles, as long as you pull the covers out of the dryer right away. Our couch is as good as new!
I can feel that you're as excited about this as I am. But please try to remain calm and breathe normally. If you have small children in the room, make sure you secure your oxygen mask first, before you assist the little ones. Thank you. And enjoy your flight from this post.