In the pink bins!!!
My column this month is about (you'll never guess) ...
ME! ME! ME!
I know. You are surprised.
Breathe in, breathe out.
The oxygen will help.
What can I say? Personal experience is a safe subject for me.
Who's going to criticize my inability to procure the cosmetic procedure of
my choice, for instance?
Who will argue with my greedy, greedy organic-apple hoarding self? (Except perhaps the young lad from whom I am keeping the apples).
These are true events that happened, whether you think they're funny or not.
But let's say I start having OPINIONS. Hilarious opinions like "no one should go broke because they get a life-threatening disease."
In no time, I'll have a bright yellow Hummer full of angry Republicans driving to my house top speed at 35 mph, to tell me OUR PRESIDENT IS AN EVIL SOCIALIST WEENIE Mc-LIAR-HEAD WHO THRILLS AT THE THOUGHT OF DESTROYING OUR COUNTRY.
And I can't hang with that.
I can't hang with the anger and accusations. And I can't stand being attacked for writing what I believe. So I don't write what I believe. I write about overpriced fruit.
I realize that one of these days--as rich and fulfilling as my life is (and as you know, I am like a human ÉCLAIR, my life is so rich and fulfilling)--I will run out of rooms to explore in the House of Moi. In the meantime, however, I'm going to let other people--braver, less tear-prone people--tackle the Tough Topics That Shall Not Be Named.
For those of you who like my book recommendations and enjoy knowing what other people Believe (with a capital B)--I highly recommend This I Believe II (the first one is great, too), a book of essays drawn from the NPR series "This I Believe" in which famous and everyday folks write about the beliefs that guide their lives. My fellow Her Columnist, Amy Lyles Wilson, has an essay in it that made me proud to know her, and the collection as a whole made me think a lot about what I believe ... whether I'm willing to write about it or not.