Larry introduced me to the cookie, and I was all, "Hello cookie! You taste just like Chips Ahoy!" And the package was wide open on the counter, so I was eating those cookies and saying to myself, "I CAN'T BELIEVE THESE CHEAP DELICIOUS COOKIES ARE REDUCED FAT COOKIES, SO YUMMY ARE THEY!"
And then, later, around nine o'clock, after the boys were asleep, and my husband was reading, and our dog was canoodling with his stuffed cheetah on the couch, I went to grab (just one!) more of those cookies.
And Larry was all "WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS GOING ON IN THERE?"
The cookies might as well be wrapped in explosives. Prisons would do well to invest in this material. By the time you drag the cracktastic-plastic tray out, it sounds like you've eaten the entire package, foil and all, using only your face. I backed away from the counter, feeling oddly stuffed and ashamed.
"Nothing," I said. "Absolutely nothing is going on in here."