Q: I have never been a fan of reading (unless there are pretty pictures), but I want you to know that I read your blog and column religiously. I love them!! Have you ever considered writing a book?A. Thank you! Gosh, you people are nice. I would love to write a book. I would also love to sleep through the night and think more than three consecutive thoughts without someone interrupting to ask for another glass of milk. I would like to love candy less, enjoy recycling more, and learn how to make at least one appetizer that actually looked, you know, APPETIZING. I'd like to make a really bitchin' scrapbook. But these things are all fantasies. And that, friends, is why I blog.
Q. When you mention your boys, I always forget which one's which. Do you have a way for me to remember who's the older one?A. Here. I wrote you a jingle:
Gus and Patrick!
Five and Three!
G-U-S is O-L-D.
Q: Do you ever play the lotto? If so, do you have "your numbers," or is it a "quick pick" situation? If not, why not?A. The thought of me "having numbers" is hilarious to me. I loathe numbers and will stop at nothing to avoid them. The thought of having to remember a whole series of "winning" numbers makes my cranium sweat. I suppose, then, I'd have to go with the quick pick, though the thought of buying a lottery ticket honestly never crosses my mind. Does that make me practical or unimaginative?
Q: Third kid: Is the door open or closed on that one?A: Considering the fact that I haven't slept in almost six years and am barely on a first-name basis with my own mental health, I'm going to go with CLOSED. Bam and click. Of course we never know what life has in store for us, do we? And while the metaphorical door is locked with the shades drawn and a big Gone Fishin' sign out front, the infrastructure of the building is technically equipped to accommodate additional tenants IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
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