I responded to the ad via email, with the following message:“I want to be a model! What do u think? I’m 5’ 9” and a 36DD! I weigh 125 lbs (but it’s all boobs, SWEAR!) Hee hee. Thanks for lookin.’”
The manager who is screening the submissions for my boss recognized me instantly. And promptly accused me of LYING about my bust size.
“There’s SPACE between your boobs,” she said. “You are so not a double D.”
“I can’t believe you are criticizing MY BODY THAT IS NOT MINE.”
(Actually, I can totally believe she is criticizing my body that is not mine. Keeping people's egos in check is like the second bullet point in her job description. Right after, "delighting in Amanda's inability to do math in her head.")
“I thought it was some little photo you had taken for Larry. You said you used to have blond hair!” she said.
HAVE. YOU. MET. ME? Amanda, the girl whose body is not that body? The girl with the iPhone hot glued to her palm? The girl whose idea of perfect happiness includes unrestricted access to 99-cent photo retouching software? Have you not met my cousin Tina? Or my DAD? Or my MOM?
See also: Have you not met Larry?
Do you guys know what Larry would do if I gave him a frisky black and white glamor shot of myself in a red furry Santa hat? Let's just say NOT HIS CUP OF TEA. Simply imagining the look on his face is enough to ensure I'll be giving him Amazon gift certificates for life. And maybe a pack of guitar strings. And a shirt with a collar.
Anyway. The upshot of the model search is this:
My manager is putting me through to the next round! (I'm GOING TO HOLLYWOOD, BABY!) Tomorrow we'll see if the CEO lets me come in for some test shots or, better yet, criticizes the width of my nose (guaranteed) and the "strange dimple situation" happening around my jaw line. Ideally, he will "like everything but the face."
Keep ya posted!
P.S. Once again, I'm pimping the Old Booth Photo App for no other reason than It Iz Aw Sum. I went ahead and purchased the Premium Edition, where anyone can become one of Santa's little helpers. Instantly!